Colorful Grey

Apparently, it's not easy to face a "blow up" condition. When the inside is opposite with the outside. When it's not well-becoming. When what you want is obviously out of your thought!

I fan him. I know it. I know what I feel. I do understand. I really understand about it.

Everybody thought we're more than just a friend. So do his friends.
But in fact, we still be friend as well...
They ask me like we often to meet up. we often keep in touch. we....got in a specific relation.
We're close friend, yeah I know. I worked out. That's what I wanted.
But...we're still just friend.
This is what I made. This condition is happened 'cause I'm the one who run it out.
And apparently it's hard to face. When the truth is out of our face.

What should I do now?
Tell them that it's not like what they thought? That we're just friend as well?
But...how about him?
He knows nothing. All he knows is we're just a friend and nothing is happening.
But...I'm affraid...
It's like reveal to the world that I love One Direction.
Maybe you think it's just like "Hey, I'm a directioner, and I'm proud of it."
But what should you do when you already have an "image"?
I'm afraid to lose it. I'm afraid if ... that... what if it's gonna be worse?
What if what's next makes me down or something worse?
I'm affraid to reveal it.
I just tell some specific friends, who I thought can understand it.

To be honest, I'm affraid.
I'm affraid to reveal the fact, in between many rumors that already grown up.
There's a grey between colors... and that's the truth.

Entahlah...
Aku hanya sedang menyederhanakan rasa.
Dan menjaga rasa, yang sepatutnya kutitipkan dan pasrahkan pada Sang Maha Pembolak-balik Hati.

Smile up, Dit! :)

Regards,
Ismidita :)

Different Between

This evening, my friend asked me a thing, that made me a little bit mad...

"Why is your Instagram Gallery full of the pics of this guy?"

Idk but I think that my reaction to his question is too much. Idk why did I mad?

After asking that question, I was defending myself with tell him that it's not only the picture of that guy. I posted many pictures of my friends. Not only that guy. We proof together, we counted up the pictures in my gallery, how many pictures of him in it? He found 12, I found 11.
And I tell him again that there are many friends in my gallery. Why? Because those are my OWN pictures.

Then I asked him back, what's the different between 'HITS' and 'NARSIS'?

Why does the 'hits' account in instagram always repost the picture of the owner itself? That's not their own pictures tho, except the selfie picture.

Now the selfie, is it narsis or hits?

ohhh whatever. It maked me so mad.

I'd like to share my own pictures. The pictures that taken by me. by myself.
Though there are pictures of me inside, I credit the one who took it.
Look at those real photographer, in their gallery, not even one about their self picture except it was taken by their friend and thay make the credit on the caption.

Ugh! whatever.
It's not so important but, , , it my life, tho...

I wanna do my passion.
Live my life.
Make my dreams come true...

well, I hope we could find our own passion in the perfect time and we could find the ways to make it comes true.

Regards,
Ismidita :)

What A Girl Wants. What A Girl Gets.

It's pretty nice. I like this movie.
It shows you about "when you want something but you've got what you need."

The emotion..
ugh... reminds me of him.
How's he doing? I know there's someone else. Sometimes it gets hurt, actually. But what could I do with the past?
I'm just always trying to be better and better. To learn about what I got about this whole life. What I got from him.
Noo.. No. Don't say that I'm not moving on. No... I've moved on.
But how could you forget your first time???
I know it was too late to realize. I know that was so fool. But I learned many things of it.

It hurts when I know that he've got someone, and I...I'm just...being me.
She's nice. She's beautiful. She's clever. She's....a happy girl.
They take care each other. Support each other.

It hurts.
Remembering your past. It hurts.
And I...I miss him.

Just be the best of yourself. And you'll get what you deserve.

Regards,
Dita Nur Ismi. A Storm from the past.

See you :)

New Year Eve

New year gini identik sama revolution gitu kan yaa?? haha yasudah emang mainstream siihh,, but gak bisa dipungkiri kalo sometimes kita juga sempet terlintas hal itu...
Revolusi aku?
Haha apa yaa?
Entahlah. Di post kali ini lebih pengen say thank you sama berbagai moment keren di tahun ini.

First Instameet (exploresemarang and WWIM)
First New Family (PP)
First time for being PJ sebuah acara yang lumayan gedhe
and many more...

Entah mengapa orang pertama yang pengen aku say thanks adalah temen terdekatku, Sakka. Ini cowok niihh yaaa jangan salah sangka hehee
Moments, stories, laughs, mads, happiness, sadness, and many things we've shared each other.
Dari ini bocah I've learned many things.
Thanks for being my closest friend in this college. For being so patient when I told you my stories. Yang bisa jadi Silencer kalo mendadak aku jadi super duper rame ribut heboh histeris gak jelas gitu. Yang enak diece kalo lagi mutung. Yang enak dijadiin sasaran empuk kata-kata aku yang lagi rak ceto bangett haha.
Yang dengan segala curhatannya aku jadi belajar banyak hal mengenai kehidupan ini. Yang dengan segala tingkah mutungnya aku jadi tau mesti berlaku gimana. Yang dengan segala celetuknya aku jadi tau kalau aku ini siapa.
Thank you so much for being my mirror :)

And theeeennn a precious man who taught me many good things on my life, Faiz.
The one who makes me keep fighting on my way. Yang bikin aku makin tekun dalam menjalankan sesuatu. Yang jadi inspirasi baruku. Yang jadi motivasiku dalam kuliah. Yang bikin aku semangat nyelesaiin tugas. Yang sekali lagi bikin aku menciptakan Fans Club baru. Yang selalu siap jadi model jepretan kamera hp ini. Yang mau aku suruh suruh berpose sedemikian rupa biar dapet foto yang kece hehee..
Yang super sensitive kalo aku udah ngaktifin kamera. haha. I still remember your act on the farm after working our track for out-bond. Hahaha tbh I still wanna laugh, Iz. You're so funny XD
Once again, I fan you, Iz.
I fan you karena ketekunanmu, tanggung jawabmu, ketenanganmu, kecerdasanmu, keceriaanmu...
bukan hanya karena kamu sesosok lelaki tinggi, dada bidang, light skin, dengan sepasang converse, celana jean's, kemeja flanel, dan tambahan topi ride-for-pride serta glasses yang bikin kamu keliatan very good-looking saat jalan ataupun saat nonton bareng. (OMG okay ini aseli jujur dari seorang cewek)
Noo... even penampilanmu tiba-tiba berubah jadi Babe Cabiita juga kurasa I still fan you.
Aku melihat sisi lain yang bahkan lebih dari sekedar sesosok lelaki funny banyak tawa dengan berbagai celotehnya yang bisa bikin banyak orang disekitarnya fell happy and confused sometimes.
Aku melihat sisi lain yang nyatanya bisa awet sampai sekarang.
Thank you so much for being My Harry Styles in real ^_^

Lalluuuu ada keluarga baruku yang kusebut Unit Kegiatan Mahasiswa Pengembangan Pengetahuan (UKM PP)
Loyalitas aku dapet banget disini.
Saling mengisi satu sama lain.
Tak lagi mengenai "if they care or not", lebih hebat dari itu.
Bisa dilakuin sendiri yaa sendiri.. But mostly selalu saja ada yang ngebantu nyelesaiin segala hal. Thank you so much aku sayang kalian {()}
Kalian yang bikin aku betah di semarang. Kalian yang bikin aku belajar banyak hal mengenai kerjasama dan loyalitas.
How to be a good leader. How to be a good friend. How to be a worker.
I can be myself di sini. Nyaman banget makanyaa.. Betah. Tak ada yang lebih nyaman ketimbang tempat dimana kamu bisa jadi diri sendiri dan everybody admit it, orang-orang mengakui dan menghargai dirimu. They know aku ada, dan mereka juga tahu kapan saat aku nggak ada. Tak ada paksaan, yang ada itu pengertian.
Sayang bangeeettt pokoknya pengen peluk kalian satu satu .. big hug {{{{(())}}}} :D

Dan komunitas komunitas instagram yang mendadak bikin mas zuzu bilang kalau aku ini anak hits padahal cuma sekedar pemotret yang sok pro dengan modal kamera hp 5MP dengan aplikasi editorial yang super sederhana dan nggak banyak orang yang pake.
dan kawan kawan yang rela hpnya aku pinjem untuk upload foto yang non-1:1 karena hpku nggak mendukung untuk upload foto non-1:1.. You all safe my existence, guys :))
So thanks a lot, guys...
Thank you for your likes.
Thank you for your comments.
Thank you for your time to accompany me while hunting.
Thank you so much for giving me chances to increase my skill on photography.
You all are so gorgeous.
Thank you :')

And for everybody who taught me many precious things this year, Thank you so much I love ya :D

Ketekunan yang aku pelajari dari Faiz.
Pengertian untuk saling membantu yang aku pelajari dari PP.
Introspeksi diri yang aku pelajari dari Sakka.
To stay happy yang aku pelajari dari Devi.
Untuk menjaga tingkah laku dan omongan yang aku pelajari dari Shinta.
Perjuangan yang aku pelajari di kelas saat menyelesaikan tugas.
To be the real-me.
To be brave to make our dream comes true.

ohyaa.. ada hal yang aku pelajari saat Temu Alumni kemarin.

Pilihan ada di kita apakah kita ingin beraksi mewujudkan harapan, imajinasi, dan mimpi kita, atau hanya mengikuti alur kehidupan dengan penuh harap supaya tiba-tiba imajinasi dan mimpi kita bisa terwujud.

Kalau kita bisa mengungkapkannya, kemudian berusaha dan take action dalam mewujudkanya, percayalah itu semua bisa terwujud.

Aku berhasil mewujudkan imajinasiku saat Temu Alumni kemarin. Bahagia sekali rasanya. Reveal it out and take action. And boom! Imajinasimu menjadi nyata. Jujur, bahagia. banget. :)

Aaaaand last but not least, kutipan ala Ismidita di penghujung tahun. Baru aja dapet sore ini. Dan aku jadikan caption untuk postingan instagramku, pake foto yang ada di kiriman ini. Yap foto balon itu..
ini quote'nya:

Love. That make it live.
Hope. That make it through.
Fight. That make it worth. 

This quote is dedicated for every moments in life. We live the moment with love. We through the moment with hope. We worth the moment with fight.
Stay happy. Stay brave. Stay wise.

Happy new year eve,
Ismidita :)

Ekspresi

Oke baiklah. saat ini pakai bahasa kebangsaan dulu ^_^

Ekspresi.
Aku baru saja membaca kiriman facebook Tere Liye.
Ini kirimannya:

Ketika seorang perempuan berteriak menyuruh "Pergi! Sana!", maka boleh jadi, dia justeru barharap kita tetap berada di depannya. Membuktikan kita tidak akan pergi walau diusir sekalipun.

Ketika seorang perempuan bilang, "Biasa saja," maka boleh jadi maksudnya 'Ini luar biasa sekali'. Saat dia diam membisu, pun boleh jadi maksudnya, 'dia setuju'--tapi malu mengungkapkannya. Lantas kenapa ekspresi ...yang keluar berbeda dengan maksud aslinya? Karena itulah istimewanya bangsa perempuan.

Nah, sebagai rahasia kecil, ketahuilah ketika mereka bilang, "Terserah", itu jelas sekali mereka sedang marah.

*Tere Liye

Jujur. aku sedikit tersinggung dengan kirimannya ini.

F for Fan (Again)

Idk but I don't like the moment when they say about it.

okay it's my fault. I started it. I was the one who tell it to the world that I fan him.

But it's not that way...

I just fan him. I just fan him, guys...

It's not a must to get him, but it's nice to be with him.

I feel that I'm not alone, I'm not the only one. I've found my cozy zone every times he comes around.

I fan him.

And that's why I'm afraid...

Is it the time to proof my argument about "You can't love but be loved." ?

No.. No.. I don't love him. I know right about love. I felt it.

And I know it's not even love.

I just fan him.

I think it's normal when a girl fans a guy who she likes. Like I fan Harry Styles, or Harry Potter.

And the matter is...: He's not even an actor or a good-looking singer!

Maybe they think it's weird if I only fan him. Maybe they think I should love him.

No! They don't know about it. At All!

I just fan him. Just like I fan Harry Styles.

I'm trying my best to control this feeling.

This feeling is only on my brain. Not in my heart. Yet. Maybe. Idk what's next okay I'm not a clairvoyant. Stop forcing me with that argument.

When they're saying "He's your soulmate.", "You both are really nice couple.", or "Your love story is so wonderful."

they make me scared, actually.

I'm scared 'cause he's humble.

I'm scared 'cause he's nice.

I'm scared... 'cause I fan him...

I don't thing that you'd understand.

Regards,

-Ismidita X))

F for Fan

I just made a new fans club.

pretty nice.
for a guy again. haha! Hey, I'm still a normal girl okay...
He's nice. Good-looking of course. And I tell you once again. I just FAN him.

When I'm with him it feels like I found my "species" haha. I'm an easy laughing girl. And he's funny. He's like a comic ya know...

And I just FAN him...

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What are you gonna do when you fan someone and then you feel that there's another man who fan you?

I fan..........ummm let's just take an initial, okay.

I fan A. That was really nice moment when we gather. When he made us laugh especially.
And then...on the next day, you feel that there was someone who adore you quietly. Let's just call him B.

No, it's unconfirmed. It still unclear. It was just my feeling.

I'm soooo confuse.
Is it good if I still show my feeling in front of B about my feeling to A? About I fan A?
They both just an ordinary guy.
I'm afraid if what I've done, made B jealous.

But I think jealousy is human. as far as it's not disturbing.

Well, just that. I'm afraid if B was jealous.
I never meant to made him jealous about my feeling to A.
We could be friend...
A-B-and myself, we could be friend...

Maybe I should use F for Friend...

Sincerely,
-Ismidita